Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The Boohoo Department

I’m not one for increasing government programs or departments because it also increases the government’s budget due to the exaggeration of jobs created in an effort to conduct a streamlined position. I feel the need of a new government department, however; called the Boohoo Department of Liberty Defense, with subordinate departments at the state level.

The purpose of this much-needed department is quite simple; to address the many Americans concerns throughout the country regarding the restriction of an individual’s liberties. With the rising number of influences within our society, many of the special interest groups are pushing for legislature that will restrict an individual’s personal liberties and freedoms, but with this new department, simple emails or letters would notify these individuals and groups that their efforts are unconstitutional or are viewed as being prejudice against certain citizens.

The department would begin its efforts by filtering all emails to government politicians and provide necessary input to all government representatives concerning their actions and how they restrict the rights of legal American citizens.

Letter/Email response format:

We are honored to inform you that your proposed action or view restricts the individual liberties of legal American citizens. Through passing legislation governed by your concerns, American politicians would be eliminating the right to freedom within our great country. Because of your individual freedoms, we are proud to inform you of the right to keep and cherish these views, but to please not forcefully emplace them upon others against their will.

Your proposed views or actions are unconstitutional for the following reasons:


Thank you for your support and concern. In the future we would ask that, when addressing issues, you consider whether or not your proposals or suggestions would inhibit another American’s rights.

To further explain the importance of such a new department, the following are some current issues that could be addressed easily to defend the rights of Americans:

Helpful American Citizen #1: I despise smoking in restaurants. In some places around the country, laws have been passed forcing all restaurants to provide a “smoke-free” environment and I think Congress should make it that way for the entire country.

Boohoo responds: This is an excellent topic for us here at the Boohoo. By passing a law that forces business owners to reject smoking in their establishment, it removes that owner’s right to operate their business in the manner they choose. We currently find there to be no law forcing you or your family to enter into these establishments which means that if the owner of the business chooses to have a smoking section, you could go elsewhere to eat. We are currently putting forth strong efforts to remove any laws restricting business owners in such a manner, thank you.

Helpful American Citizen #2: Affirmative action is not enough for the progression of minorities in America. We need to create more programs that provide specialized training to minorities in the low-income bracket. Without new programs, we minorities will never succeed.

Boohoo responds: This is an excellent topic for us here at the Boohoo. Affirmative action is currently under review here with our top officials within the department because of its clearly prejudice view. No group should be given any advantages over another because it is seen a prejudice on the part of the government, and by creating such advantages, the government is encouraging racial and ethnic dissention, topped with anger. We have concluded that these programs you suggest are an excellent idea but only if implemented with no restrictions for those seeking its rewards. If all are allowed entry into this program, great good could result, thank you.

Helpful American Citizen #3: Researchers have shown that most of the inner-city schools with larger populations of minority groups have much lower test scores suggesting poorer education. It is time for more money to be given to these schools so they can turn this around and generate a better education system.

Boohoo responds: This is an excellent topic for us here at the Boohoo. We have found that providing additional income to schools with poor test scores, regardless of minority percentage, would be unfair to the other schools who provide actual passing grades. The schools may require new leaders or teachers, but we feel that most of the responsibility falls on the lack of education enforcement within the home. The government should maintain a fair and unbiased support to all schools regardless of their test scores, thank you.

Helpful American Citizen #4: Abortion is murder and laws need to be passed making it illegal to get an abortion.

Boohoo responds: This is an excellent topic for us here at the Boohoo. We have concluded that abortion is murder, but a woman still maintains the right to choose what happens to her own body. Instead of attacking those who conduct and undergo these procedures, we are focusing more on how to prevent them and suggest you to do the same. We feel that improving our adoption program and increasing education would eliminate many of these procedures, thank you.

Helpful American Citizen #5: I believe the federal government is wrong by providing financial support for the poor while us middle-income parents struggle to put our children through school. If the government is going to give support, it should do so equally.

Boohoo responds: This is an excellent topic for us here at the Boohoo. Because of your commonsense outlook towards such a discriminating and prejudice program, we would like to offer you a job here at the Boohoo, thank you.

As you can see, the recruiting for this department would be rather easy, anyone who writes in with any sense, you give them a job. I would be proud to take charge of this project, as I’m sure Ryan from Perish the Reason would. Somebody has to be able to tell people that by passing their proposed views, and forcing them on others, inhibit individual liberties. If you want to or don’t want to do something, that is up to you, but forcing others to follow your views without their consent is clearly unconstitutional.

1 comment:

Ryan Placchetti said...

I accept this charge.